How to Cultivate Confidence to Change Your Life

Are you a happy and confident person, or do you struggle with the feeling of insecurity? I believe that once you understand your confidence comes from God, it’ll be easier to rest in who you are instead of wishing you were somebody else.

Paul says in Philippians 1:6 (NLT), “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”

Far too often, we fall into the comparison trap. We look at another’s life and begin to feel discontent with our own. Our self-confidence is low and the negative feelings we have toward ourselves shape our life in every possible way.

Galatians 1:10 (NIV) says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

God created each of us to have unique looks, personalities, and talents. We all have a purpose in this world. And everyone has the power to inspire change, impact lives, and make a lasting difference in the world. The only thing holding us back is ourselves. And it all starts with having confidence.

Who you used to be

What were you like when you were a little girl? Were you a social butterfly or more of a loner? Did you pride yourself on being smart or did you pretend to be an “airhead”? Were you confident in who you were or did you just try to fit in?

I was an extremely shy little girl who desperately wanted to have friends, yet I was afraid to talk to other kids. I felt dumb, ugly, and unimportant. There wasn’t any one person, situation, or comment that I could attribute to my insecurity. That’s just how I felt.

As I grew older, negative thoughts and feelings of awkwardness consumed me. I falsely believed that in order for people to like me, I had to become the complete opposite of who I was. I lacked confidence in myself so I often compromised my values and beliefs in order to be a part of the group.

I know that I’m not the only one who has ever caved under pressure. Everyone wants to feel accepted and loved. We all search for significance – to be seen, heard, and listened to. And we want to know that we matter in this world, to somebody.

I didn’t understand that God created me to be exactly who I was, and that I was valuable and worthy, just as I was. And I definitely didn’t realize that it was my own thoughts that were creating the feeling of insecurity.

Confidence influences our decisions, relationships, and well-being. Fortunately, confidence is not a personality trait. It’s a skill that we can cultivate. I want to teach you how to gain the confidence you need to create a life you love. To do that, it’s important to understand how our brain is wired.

Understanding our brain

Understanding how the brain works is the beginning of solving all our problems. To put it simply: the brain is our body’s computer system. It’s main purpose is to keep us alive by seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and conserving energy. This motivational triad is what drives every thought we think, every decision we make, and every action we take.

Your brain is always looking for evidence of things you’ve done in the past that kept you alive. It likes the comfort and security of fitting in with the crowd, playing it safe, not taking risks, and not trying new things. It wants to protect you from any potential feelings of discomfort, failure, or rejection. This is your survival brain. What it doesn’t understand is that playing it safe can cause you to miss out on many of life’s possibilities which can result in misery, not happiness.

As humans, we have the power to rewrite the internal programming of our brain. Our thoughts are what create our feelings, and we are in charge of our thoughts. If you are to ever change your life, you have to rewire the neural pathways in your brain by rewriting the sentences in your head. After you find new, better thoughts, you have to practice thinking them daily. Repetitive thoughts cause new beliefs. Isn’t that exactly what we do with all those negative thoughts? Ruminating on them causes them to feel true.

The difference between self-confidence and self-esteem

Self-confidence is trusting in your own skills, abilities, and judgment. It’s also about holding yourself accountable. When you say you’re going to do something and you follow through with it, you build trust within yourself.

Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, and whether or not you believe that you are valuable and worthy as a person. When you have a healthy self-esteem, you don’t need approval or validation from other people because you know that you always have your own back, no matter what. You trust and love yourself.

Why confidence is important

Confidence is one of the most powerful feelings you can embody. Going through life with confidence allows you to fully be yourself. You believe in yourself enough to go after the things that you really want. And you believe that you deserve happiness and success just like everybody else.

Confident individuals are better equipped to work through obstacles, cope with setbacks, and stand up to adversity. They possess a strong belief in their abilities, which enables them to remain determined and optimistic, no matter the challenge.

One of the reasons you aren’t living the life of your dreams is because of your beliefs about what you are (or aren’t) capable of doing. Confidence, or a lack thereof, shapes our life in every possible way because it affects every aspect of our lives:

Personal and Spiritual Growth

Confidence plays a very big role in our personal development. It enables us to step out of our comfort zone, take risks, and embrace new opportunities. Spiritual growth comes as we learn more about who God says we are and what our purpose is in this world.

Physical and Mental Health

Confidence in ourselves reduces feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and insecurity, resulting in a more positive mindset and emotional resilience.

Relationships

Confidence fosters healthy relationships by enhancing our communication skills and the ability to express ourselves authentically. Others are naturally drawn to the positive energy and self-assuredness of confident people.

Money

Those who have confidence and high self-esteem tend to behave in ways that cause them to take advantage of opportunities to make more money while those with low self-esteem tend to sabotage their own chances of financial success.

Career Success

Confidence is often linked to career advancement and success. Confident individuals are more likely to take on leadership roles, take advantage of opportunities for growth, and effectively navigate workplace dynamics.

Service and Volunteerism

Volunteering provides us with a sense of purpose, helps us build empathy toward others, and takes our focus off of ourselves. Confidence grows through understanding that we’re able to make a positive difference in others’ lives.

Home and Environment

Being surrounded by a chaotic and messy environment can cause feelings of stress and overwhelm. A peaceful environment can boost our emotional well-being. Having a simplified and organized life and home free from physical and emotional clutter brings a sense of calm after a stressful day. As a result, we are able to relax and be refreshed emotionally.

Fun and Entertainment

Incorporating hobbies into our life doesn’t just bring us joy – it’s a powerful way to build new skills that contribute to a sense of accomplishment. When we feel proud of something we’ve learned, produced, or implemented into our life, our confidence grows exponentially.

The most common areas where people feel insecure

Here are some of the most common things people are insecure about:

Their Brain: Often, people are afraid that they’re not smart enough or qualified enough to fulfill their role as a student, employee, or business owner. Even worse, they fear that they’re not smart enough to fit in with their social circle.

Their Body: Women are often insecure about their appearance. They may feel that they’re not pretty enough, or that they are too fat or too skinny, or that they’re too old or too young for whatever situation (or relationship) they’re in.

Their Economics: Many people feel inferior if their bank accounts, cars, or homes aren’t as large or as nice as others’. They wrongly believe that their value and worth is based upon their financial status rather than who they are as a person.

The Unknown: They’re afraid of the future because it can be unpredictable regardless of how well they’ve planned their life. They don’t understand the principle that life is really 50% good and 50% bad. Everyone will experience both happiness and devastation at some point in their life.

Their Relationships: They fear that nobody will love them for who they are. They are afraid of being an outcast, being abandoned, or being rejected. They tend to be people pleasers who sometimes sacrifice their own happiness in order to conform to others’ expectations.

What does the Bible say about all of this?

Two verses in my favorite book of the Bible (James) seem to speak directly to all of our insecurities, striving, and people-pleasing tendencies:

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” ~ James 1:5 NLT

^“Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here’s what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts. Mean-spirited ambition isn’t wisdom. Boasting that you are wise isn’t wisdom. Twisting the truth to make yourselves sound wise isn’t wisdom. It’s the furthest thing from wisdom—it’s animal cunning, devilish plotting. Whenever you’re trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others’ throats.” ~ James 3:13 MSG

How to build confidence

So how can you start building the confidence you need in order to change your life? Here are five things that will get you off to a great start:

Get to know yourself again. We’re often so busy with daily life that we tend to neglect ourselves to the point where we don’t even know who we are anymore. Make it a priority to spend some time alone each day doing something that mentally recharges you.
Find better thoughts and practice them daily. Journaling is an amazing tool for this. Even just keeping a small notebook with you to record meaningful quotes and scripture is helpful. Or you can just use your phone instead of a notebook. Make it a point to read your notes everyday or when you’re feeling low.
Always have your back and keep your word to yourself. If you tell yourself you’re going to do something (workout or finish a project or whatever it may be), keep your word to yourself. Understand that when the time comes for you to do the thing, you are not going to want to do it. Do it anyway. That’s how you build confidence and trust with yourself. You can count on other people to let you down. Don’t let yourself down!
Try new things and develop the skills needed. If there’s something you’re interested in, try it. If you don’t know how to do it, don’t be afraid to ask for help or take lessons to learn. And then be sure to practice it. When you were little, learning how to walk was hard but you didn’t give up. Just keep going and your confidence will soar as you get better and better at new things.
Begin to look to God for approval, not other people. It’s human to want to be accepted and approved of by others but don’t let the desire for approval influence your life. Live your life in such a way that you feel confident that God would approve and you’ll never have to rely on others to cheer you on.

A Final Note

As you work to build confidence in yourself, others will notice. You’ll begin to stand a little taller, smile a little more, and others will gravitate toward you. You’ll begin to shine brightly in this world that seems so dark at times. And what’s even more powerful is that you’ll inadvertently give others permission to drop their guard and start to live their own lives more authentically. When we free ourselves from others’ expectations in order to live a life that’s true to us, the world will automatically become a much kinder, better place.